Move to a Deprived Area

where you will seem comparatively normal

Don't Take Coke

Unless you already are an arsehole.

Travel Light in Your Daily Life

Reassess what's essential.

Once you've determined what cargo you'll be carrying, place the items in a bag of an appropriate size. If the contents do not fit in one bag, either select a bigger bag or jettison some life preservers.

And remember

Plastic bags are for shopping.

Brush Your Hair

Look less crazy.

Follow Trends

Other girls are much nicer to you when you look like them.

Stop Worrying

No-one else cares. Really.

When To Wear Pretty Shoes

When perching seductively on a bar stool, wear pretty shoes.

For all other activities - especially those which incorporate walking and standing up - wear sensible shoes.

Wear Shoes

Look around you. Everyone is wearing SHOES.

In addition to protecting your feet, SHOES are also necessary to win respect from your shoe-wearing peers.